Whatever you do, DON'T READ THIS FANFIC!
by Heart Goat
Summary: Sora gets trapped in a room w Ansem and a bunch of random stuff happens, such as Cloud barking like a seal, Rafiki making out with Genie, and Buddha slurping up his computer. Read or die. Mweheheh...
1. The Insanity Begins

Hi there! ^^ Thankies for wanting to read my ficcy. First of all (and this is reeeally important) this ficcy takes place several years after Sora getting his friends and the king back, but has nothing to do with that. It's just a bunch of weird random happenings. It's seemingly starts out serious, but gets really messed up afterwards (like Cloud barking like a seal, Rakifi making out with Genie, and some other stuff). If you have a really weird sense of humor, you'll probably like it. Anyways, enjoy! -^___^-  
  
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The anxious brunette paced back and forth in circles through the small cavern, just several feet away from the viscious torrent of the outside storm. Outside, a serpentine flash of lightning snaked it's way to the earth, lighting up the inside of the cave momentarily. A boom of thunder echoed throughout the cavern, causing the teenager to flinch. Storms were reminders of the past, and it frightened him to think of that.  
  
"But it's the past, and memories can't hurt me now," he told himself.  
  
"Sora!" called a familiar voice from behind, startling him.  
  
Turning around, he came face to face with a teenager just a year older than him. His long white hair, now dreanched from the rain flowed just below his shoulders and went along with his pale ghost-like skin. He owned an alluring pair of turquoise eyes, colored like the sea, that shone brightly, despite the darkness of the cave that enveloped them.  
  
"Riku," smiled Sora with delight, then fell into a curious tone, "How'd you know I was here?"  
  
"You always come here during these storms," Riku took a quick glane at the small drawing scribbled on stone in a corner of the cavern wall. Without warning, Riku belched loudly, but Sora pretended to not hear it. "Is it because~"  
  
A sudden clap of thunder interrupted Riku and startled the brunette, making him give out a loud yell. Embarressed, Sora covered his mouth.  
  
"You really haven't changed at all, have you?" Riku joked.  
  
"Hey!" Sora retorted, and slapped Riku.  
  
"Hey!" Riku screamed back.  
  
Suddenly they both stopped and just stared at eachother because the authoress couldn't think of anything to say right now. It's a pretty akward moment. A rush of feet pattered from the entrance of the cave toward them. In an instant, Selphie appeared, followed by Tidus.  
  
"Hey" greeted Riku and Sora.  
  
"Hey," Selphie greeted them.  
  
"Heeey," Tidus slowly looked up and down Selphie, "Baby."  
  
"Ewww!" Selphie made a disgusted face and bitch-slapped (AN: I'm not sure what that means) Tidus, sending him sprawling to the ground. Satisfied, Selphie looked at Riku, then Sora.  
  
"We have something really important to tell you, Sora, so we decided to come and find you," announced Selphie.  
  
"What is it?" Sora asked, eager for an answer.  
  
"Weeell..." Tidus began, standing on his feet again.  
  
Sora didn't notice the cheshire cat-like grin Riku gave the two others.  
  
"Oops I did it again," Selphie began to sing.  
  
"Huh?" Sora was confused.  
  
"We made you believe," continued Tidus.  
  
"Why are you two singing a Britney Spears song?" asked Sora.  
  
The two started dancing like the Backstreet Boys along with Riku.  
  
"Because we're crazy," Selphie, Tidus, and Riku sang together. Then, the three suddenly glared at Sora.  
  
"Uh," Sora said nervously, "What am I supposed to do? D-do you want me to applaud?" Sora began clapping, then stopped.  
  
"Heheheheh," the three all smiled.  
  
All of a sudden there was a bright azure flash and mist covered the cavern. Sora gasped and was frozen with surprise. As the mist gradually vanished, Sora was able to see again. But his friends were no longer there. Instead, were 2 small hideous creatures-one pink and one blue-only 1/3rds the size of Sora. Looming above them was a turquoise man with an ugly butt chin and a flame flickering at the top of his head. Sora knew these characters only too well-Hades, and his two companions Pain and Panic.  
  
"Hey!" shouted Sora, "What are you doing here? And where are my friends?"  
  
"Ah," began Hades, "Well your friends aren't actually here right now. You see..."  
  
Hades put an arm around Sora before he could move away and a hand in front of him. On his hand was a hologram with all three of his friends tied up with chains and they appeared to be somewhere in the Hercules Colliseum.  
  
"They're a bit tied up right now," Hades grinned with glee.  
  
"No!" the blue-eyed boy cried with dismay, "Bring them back!"  
  
"I can't do that right now," admitted Hades, "But I can bring you to them. We'll just have to make a deal, ok kiddo?"  
  
"How can you do that? They're in another world and you can't do that without a gummi ship or a keyblade or something."  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"Well, fine then! What's the deal?"  
  
"I'll show you when we get to the Herc Collisseum."  
  
"Okay, well then~"  
  
Wolverine suddenly came up to Sora and said, "I don't like surprises." The last thing Sora saw before Hades hit him upside the head with a brick was Pain and Panic wearing fishnet stockings and making out.  
  
~*Later*~  
  
The brunette suddenly flickered his eyes open, slowly getting adjusted to the darkness shrouded around him.  
  
"Oh, it was only a dre~" Sora was cut off by the sound of footsteeps from the stone floor creeping up from behind him.  
  
Spinning around, he saw Hades, and with him were Pain and Panic, no longer in fishnets. Sora stood up and examined his surroundings. He was in a large dome-shaped chamber lined with stone pillars, charred from fire on some parts. On each pillar was a golden sun and in the center of each sun was a circle engraved about three inches. On the ceiling was an enormous golden sun which was shifting vibrant shades of blue, silver and white. The light from the circle illuminated only the upper half of the room.  
  
"What is this place!?" demanded Sora, half in wonder, half in anger, as he looked back at Hades.  
  
"Well," Hades answered, "I can't really tell you that right now, but..." With his back turned, a paper appeared in Hades' hand that only he could see. "I could make a deal with you. Huh? Well, kiddo, what dy'a say?"  
  
The brunette looked undecidedly at him, unsure of what to say. Hades spun around, revealing the paper to Sora. "Ooh!" Sora said, "It's one of those deals. Well, I don't...I mean, I've heard that you always try to trick people with your deals."  
  
"Fine then. No deal? No deal. No friends either."  
  
Sora swore that for a second he could see Hades' flame on his head shift a vivid crimson glow. Two silver tears gently rolled down Sora's cheeks, sparkling brightly in the darkness, as he made a final decision.  
  
"Alright," Sora agreed, "It's a deal."  
  
"Perfect!" Hades grinned, "Just sign..." The paper appeared in his hands again. "Here," Hades directed Sora, pointing to a small line at the bottom of the page.  
  
Hades handed Sora a pencil and Sora scribbled his name hastily on the paper.  
  
"You're supposed to sign it in a pen, kiddo," Hades told him, holding the pencil before he could finish writing.  
  
Confused, Sora looked up. "B-but~" Sora stuttered, "You gave me a pencil."  
  
"But nothing," Hades said, handing Sora a silver pen with a knife-like tip on the end, "Now prick your finger with that and write your name in blood."  
  
"But you just said to write it in pen."  
  
"Would you just forget what I said and write it in blood!?"  
  
"Do you have mood swings? It really seems like~"  
  
"SHUTUP!!!"  
  
Sora opened his mouth as if to say something, then shut it. He pricked his finger and inked his name over the one in pencil. Satisfied, Hades snatched the paper from Sora and in a crimson flash it vanished. The brunette waited a minute, then looked up at Hades and waited for a reaction.  
  
"What?" Hades frowned.  
  
"Aren't you going to take me to my friends?" Sora questioned.  
  
"Oh, your friends? Ah, yeah, well see you didn't read the fine print, did you?"  
  
"But that's not fair!" Sora retorted.  
  
"Hey, kiddo, it's not my fault. Don't you know to read before signing?"  
  
"Fine. What's the catch?"  
  
"Simple. I'll just show you the paper and let you read it for yourself."  
  
In another cimson flash, the paper reappeared again, and flew into Sora's open hands. It looked like this:  
The Deal  
  
You get to see your friends.  
  
You must wait 1-10 hours before seeing them.  
  
You must defeat 1 boss.  
Name: __SORA__  
  
A minute later, the paper disappeared and with a grin, so did Hades.  
  
"Hey!" Sora shouted, running to the spot where Hades had stood just a second ago, "Are you still here?"  
  
The silence answered him. The teenager relaxed, and curiously looked left and right. He sat down and closed his eyes hopelessly. A tear fell silently to the floor, making the smallest echo. Curling up against the wall, he soon fell asleep.  
  
~*Later again*~  
  
A loud on the floor echoed across the chamber, waking the blue-eyed boy up. Rubbing his eyes, he groggily looked down, noticing an azure sparkle coming from a lapis lazuli-like stone, no larger than the size of Sora's palm.  
  
"Huh?" Sora was confused as he reached for the stone out of curiousity, "This wasn't here before."  
  
As he held the stone in his hand, he noticed it was warm as if someone had just been holding it a minute ago. It began radiating the same blue color as the stone on the ceiling. The sun on one of the pillars also began emitting the blue light.  
  
"Oh I see," Sora said thoughtfully, "Maybe if I put this stone inside the sun something will happen (AN:I hope you have some sort of idea as to what's going on).  
  
Sora carefull inserted to stone into the sun and watched intently as it glowed an ever brighter aquamarine aura.  
  
"YAY!" rejoiced Sora, "Pretty lights. ^.^"  
  
An abrupt sound of footsteps crept up from behind Sora, who was so much in a trance with the blue light that he didn't notice the figure moving toward him. "Pretty @.@!" Sora droned on. A hand clasped his shoulder and he spun around, coming face to face with a blindfolded Riku.  
  
"YAAY!" exclaimed Sora, giving the hottie a tight squeeze. "What are you doing here, Riku? I thought I didn't get to see my friends until after a boss was beaten."  
  
"Hey, well guess what?" Riku grinned with a hot smile.  
  
"What?" Sora asked eagerly.  
  
"I'm the boss."  
  
"Ummm...no?" Sora gave Riku another tight squeeze. "I know what's wrong with you," Sora said, "You have a blindfold on, so you don't know who I am. Here, I'll take it off so you can see~" Riku threw Sora to the ground and backed away several feet.  
  
"Hey!" Sora yelled, getting back on his feet, "I was just trying to help."  
  
"You can't take my blindfold off," announced Riku, "Or I'll..." His voice trailed off.  
  
"What's wrong with taking your blindfold off?" asked Sora curiously.  
  
"I don't know," admitted Riku, "But in Deep Dive (AN: the little preview- thingy for KH2) I have a blindfold on. Maybe I'm blind."  
  
"But if you're blind, you still won't be able to see anything anyway, so what's the difference?"  
  
"Good point," admitted Riku.  
  
Sora suddenly lunged at Riku, tore his blindfold off, and ate it. He almost threw it up after seeing Riku's eyes. Instead of the usual deep pools of turquoise that inhabited them, his eyes were now a bright shade of amber-yellow, as if he was possessed by Ansem (which he was).  
  
"Oh," sighed Sora, "I guess that's why you didn't want to take your blindfold off. Golly gee, what a surprise!"  
  
Suddenly Wolverine came out of nowhere and said, "I don't like surprises," then he vanished.  
  
"Hey boys,"announced a voice with a poor attempt at trying to be seductive, which belonged to none other than Ursula as she stepped out of the shadows, "Wanna' have some of this?" She began shaking her chest and slowly advanced toward them.  
  
"AHHH!!!" Sora and Ansem Riku screamed in unison while running away. As they looked back, they found that she was gone.  
  
"I," panted Sora as he sat down, "I'm really freaked out right now. First you, then Wolverine, and just then an octopus-lady acting like a prostitute."  
  
"Well anyways," said Ansem.  
  
"I demand that you let me see my friends right now!" commanded Sora.  
  
"No. Hey, Sora-look at the stone."  
  
"@.@. Pretty lights," said Sora, once again in a trance.  
  
A sudden flash of fire distracted him, turning his attention away from the stone.  
  
"What the~" Sora gasped.  
  
Hades stood before Sora and Ansem Riku.  
  
"Hey kiddo," the immortal said with a grin to Sora, "Here, sign your name in pencil." Hades handed Sora a pencil and piece of paper. "Now sign your name in pen," Hades smirked.  
  
"But you gave me a pencil," Sora corrected.  
  
"But I know that you have one," Hades said with glee.  
  
"Do you know how wrong that sounded?" Sora said as he backed away.  
  
"I kno-I mean, uh, pretend you didn't hear that."  
  
"Oookay."  
  
"...You do realise I'm trying to tell you something, don't you?"  
  
"Uh, no, not really," Sora confessed, taking another step back, "I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"Let me introduce you to my pets. Pain! Panic!"  
  
Pain and Panic stepped out from behind Hades.  
  
"I have to confess my sins," Hades said, looking up at the ceiling, "KABOOM!" Then Hades, Pain and Panic disappeared.  
  
~*One minute later*~  
  
Sora," Ansem Riku's voice echoed throughout the walls of the large room. As Sora looked over at Ansem Riku, he drooled about a gallon or two of saliva before answering.  
  
"What?" asked Sora while he wiped off some saliva from his mouth.  
  
"Fuck you!" Ansem Riku shouted. Then he turned back into the regular Ansem because I'm tired of typing 'Ansem Riku'.  
  
"Did you know that 'fuck' means 'baby seal' in french?" snickered Sora as he stood up and walked out of his puddle of saliva.  
  
Cloud came out of nowhere and started barking like a seal and clapping his hands. Then he exploded.  
  
"WHEEEE!!!" two voices suddenly came from the other side of the chambes. From out of the dark shadows emerged Donald as a half-octopus and Goofy as a half turtle (AN:Like from Atlantica). Then they turned into walruses and flew to the moon and were never seen again.  
  
"Coolies!" Sora said in astonishment. "Let's all go to the movies," he said in an old man's voice.  
  
"Hey, I know!" thought Ansem aloud.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Watch this." Ansem looked up at the ceiling. "Lord almighty, hear me roar!" Ansem suddenly burped so loud that the entire chamber shook.  
  
"Well," Jimmy Neutron said as he abruptly walked into the room, "Time to save the world!" Then he vanished.  
  
Wolverine, yet again, walked into the room and, baring his teeth in ferocity, he roared, "I don't like surprises!"  
  
As Sora suddenly looked to his left, he saw Rafiki and the Genie making out. He blinked once, and they were gone. Sora knew only thing could solve these problems, that only one thing could stop this confusion. So he began taking off all his clothes and put on a brown loin-cloth. Without warning, Tarzan swung from a vine at the top of the ceiling and landed in front of Sora.  
  
"&!^$#*" Tarzan cussed in monkey language.  
  
"Hey, can you hear what he's saying?" questioned Ansem who was now reclining on a fuzzy black seat with a heartless emblem on the back. There was a cup holder on the arm rest which was occupied by a cherry flavored slushie. In front of him was a big-screen t.v and on it he was watching 'Iron Chef'.  
  
"Yep!" nodded Sora.  
  
Tarzan then spontenously combusted. Then the chapter ended.  
  
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Okies that's all! If there was a bunch of grammer or spelling errors, I'm sorry, I didn't have time to look it over for them. I hope you all thought it was really really weird, and I hope you liked it too. If you have time, I'd really like it if you'd review because it took me a veeery long time to type this up. I'll be adding the next chappy sometime in the next week or so, but only if I get reviews *hint hint*. Atonohou! -^___^- 


	2. Triple A Battery and Assault

Thankies for the reviews for the first chappy!^^ This chappy's really short, but I wanted to put one up by today. I also have another ficcy going, so it may take a while for updates, sorry. Anyways, enjoy!-^___^-  
  
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Sora solemnly stood in the center of the room in anguish, reflecting on the past events. What was going on? Would he ever see his friends again? From the other end of the chamber Ansem leaned against a wall grinning with amusement. Some seemed to be on his mind also. Something very...nautical. A sudden yell interrupted both their thoughts. They looked up and saw the guy from Bruce Almighty running toward them.  
  
"I've got the power," Bruce sung in a high-pitched tone. He stopped running and in one quick movement, flung off his clothes and stood in a diving position as if he was about to dive into water. Then, in slow motion, he flew away.  
  
"I'm glad that's over," Sora sighed with relief.  
  
"Hey Sora!" greeted a voice from behind him. His knew this voice was none other than Kairi's. As he turned around, his face filled with shock and horror. It was Kairi, but apparently she had gained about 200 pounds, her eyes were bulging out and she was wearing a sumo wrestling outfit.  
  
"Wanna' make out?" she giggled.  
  
"Uh, um," Sora's heart was beating so fast he felt it would explode-he had to get away from this big boar. "Kairi, please go away."  
  
"Ok Sora," Kairi said as she spontanouesly combusted.  
  
"Owwww!" a voice rang throughout the chamber immediately after Kairi's explosion. Ansem and Sora both knew this voice and hated it. They knew who had just entered the room-Michael Jackson.  
  
"NOOOOO!!!" Ansem and Sora cried in unison as they covered their ears, preparing for the worst.  
  
"ABC's," he sung, "Easy as 123's, Do re me..."  
  
"We've gotta' stop him!" Sora yelled over Michael's singing.  
  
"But how?" Ansem pondered.  
  
"Use the force," Yoda suggested.  
  
"Huh? Where'd you come from?" Sora asked.  
  
"Sora," Donald said as he agily flew from the ceiling, "You ugly piece of shit!"  
  
"Sora!" yelled Goofy.  
  
"Sora!" yelled Mickey.  
  
"Sora!" yelled Jasmine.  
  
"Sweden!" yelled Moby Dick.  
  
Miraculously, a bar of chocolate fell in front of Sora and he ate it. Michael Jackson saw this and ran away crying.  
  
"Oh no!" said Sora, "I just realised something."  
  
"What?" asked Ansem.  
  
I have to use the bathroom reeeally bad!"  
  
Without warning, techno music began playing and Sora unzipped his pants, pissing all over Ansem including his face and open mouth. When Sora stopped using the bathroom, the music ended.  
  
"Mmmm tastes like chicken," said Ansem licking his lips.  
  
"Sorry, Ansem, but nature called." Sora smiled. "You can pee on me too!"  
  
"Okay!" This time classical music started playing as Ansem pissed on Sora.  
  
~*one hour later*~  
  
Finally, Ansem was finished using the bathroom on Sora. And now, actually, the entire chamber was flooded with urine.  
  
"YAAAY!" jubilated Sora as he swam through the urine, "You sure do have a big, ummm...thing!"  
  
"Why, thankyou," ackknowledged Ansem, "But we have to clean this mess up now.  
  
"Allow me," Malificent said as she took out a straw and put it in the urine, drinking it in several gulps. "Lot's of Vitamin C," she informed.  
  
Suddenly Sora and Ansem were both clean.  
  
"Ansem," Sora said.  
  
"Sora," Ansem said.  
  
"Ansem."  
  
"Sora."  
  
"Ansem."  
  
"Sora."  
  
"Ansem."  
  
"Fluffy," said Hagrid.  
  
"You're a mean one Mr.Grinch," a deep voice from out of nowhere began to sing, "You really are a seal. You're as cuddly as a cactus..." Sora ran over to a random cactus and hugged it. "You're as slimey as an eel..." Flotsam and Jetsam flew out of the sky and fell onto Sora's head. "Mr.Griiiinch!" As if on key, the Grinch came out of nowhere and started shaking his ass in Riku and Ansem's faces. Ansem smiled with delight, as if he was enjoying it.  
  
"EWWW!" Sora snorted with disgust, slapping the Grinch. This caused the Grinch to run away screaming, "Triple A Battery and assault! Triple A Battery and assault!"  
  
Sephiroth ran in the room wearing Aerith's pink clothes. "Oh boys," he said in a high-pitched voice like a girl, "Lalalalalalalalaaaaaa! Tee-hee- hee!"  
  
"Bloody hell," came a voice from the ceiling. Everyone looked up to see Captain Hook , wearing Tifa's clothes and floating in the air above them somehow. Letting out a loud scream, he fell on Sora.  
  
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I hope you liked this chappy. I filled it with lot's of random stuff since that's what most people seem to like. I'll try to add another chappy soon, so please review! Atonohou! -^___^- 


	3. Don't You Go Changin'

Oh, wow! It's been so long since an update, but I've finally had the time to update another chappy. It's 5:16 in the morning and final exams week. Once again I'm typing this on the computer unbeknownst to my parents, so this'll be a short chappy since I don't want to get caught. Enjoy!  
  
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Sora tore his attention away from Ansem, who was currently running in circles on all fours like a cat, and stared up at the ceiling at the turquiose illumination. He was sure he'd never escape from here, that he'd be in this insanisylum forever. A tapping on his shoulder awoke him from these thoughts. He spun around to see Voldemort looming above him.  
  
"Might I interest you in a pair of socks?" he questioned, handing two purple socks to Sora.  
  
"Why, thankyou monsiour," Sora smiled, taking the socks from Voldemort.  
  
"Kon'nichiwa," Voldemort replied, spitting on Sora's face.  
  
"Haliluya!" praised Jesus as he approached the two.  
  
"I've got the spirit!" yelled Bruce Almighty, crashing into Jesus.  
  
"Let's not get religious," suggested Sora and he shook his soggy head.  
  
"Let's just get in your face," said Riku. He shook his butt in Sora's face.  
  
"Arigato," thanked Sora, bowing to Riku.  
  
"Gomen nasai, watashi wa Lance Bass desu," said Lance Bass who appeared out of nowhere.  
  
"Teeheehee," giggled Kairi, and had a seizure.  
  
"In Ansem we trust," said Ansem.  
  
"Why?" asked Sora.  
  
"Why?" mocked Ansem, "Why, because I said so, of course."  
  
"I see," said Obi-wan with a wink.  
  
"I've got Crabs!" yelled Mr.Crabs from Spongebob.  
  
"I learned C Minor in my college years," grinned Spongbob.  
  
"Don't yooouuuu go changin'," sang Riku to Sora.  
  
"I like big butts and I cannot lie," chimed in Donald, flying around in circles above Riku's head.  
  
"Stayin' alive, stayin' alive!" said Shrek.  
  
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Alrighty, then, that's it for chappy 3. Please review!  
  
Atonohou! -^___^- 


	4. Why, hello there

It's been a reeeally long time since I added a chappy, but I've been busy writing my other fictions and fanfics. Sorry! ^^' Anyways, here's the next chappy.  
  
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"How do you do today?" Ansem said to Sora, his eyes fixed on him in a cold gaze. A devilish expression made of mischeviousness filled his face.  
  
"Well I~" Sora was interrupted by a sharp shrill coming from one of the shadowed corners of the room.  
  
Without warning, Spike and Jet popped out of the corner and began tap dancing while singing 'The Real Folk Blues'. Sora and Ansem noticed that they both wore Faye's clothing. After a few minutes, the intriguing performance ended.  
  
"So how'd you like our song?" smirked Spike with a dramatic bow.  
  
"I...I, uh," Sora mummbled, trying to avoid telling them what he really though about it-that it was very intimidating and sloppy.  
  
"I SAID," Spike smiled, pointing a gun to Sora, "How'd you like our song?"  
  
"I thought it was great," he lied.  
  
"Bang," Spike said. Then he turned into a snake and flew into Jet's ears, never to be seen again.  
  
"Well that was delicious," Jet said.  
  
'Better than your cooking,' an echo of Spike's voice floated in the air.  
  
"However," Nemo's father interrupted, "The probabilites of you becoming a swordfish are quite interesting. In fact astounding by which means of possibilities and assumptions where 'a=b' and 'b=a' are when the~"  
  
"ENOUGH!" Ansem shouted to the small fish, his glare piercing the clownfish like a blade, "You will bow before me, your new lord and master, now. Bow! Bow, I say!"  
  
"I'm a fish," Nemo began to sing, "I'm a fish outta' waaater..."  
  
"And I'm a Sora out of water," said Riku.  
  
"No, you're a Riku out of water," corrected Sora.  
  
"I'm Mr.Potatoe Head," smiled Woody.  
  
"Put that thing back where it came from or so help me," sang Mike from Monsters Inc.  
  
"Golly gee," squeeked Mickey Mouse, "I gotta save my fuzzy leopard spotted thong now! So, uh...I guess I'll just be seein' ya'll later on, then. See ya' folks!" And with that, Mickey vanished into thin air.  
  
"Good lord," a cloaked figure in a black trenchcoat approacked Sora slowly, walking toward him as if he had all the time in the world. A yellow glint where his left eye should be emitted from the darkness of the hood shrouding his face.  
  
"Hey, you're the guy from KH 2," Sora said.  
  
"No," corrected the cloaked figure. Sora could make out a anticipated grin. Abruptly, the man folded back his hood, revealing his true self. Sora and Ansem's jaws dropped as they saw who it was.  
  
"John Goodman!?" Ansem gasped, and attempted to hold back a laugh.  
  
"Howdy," John grinned with a wave of his hand.  
  
"You know, you look a lot thinner," noted Sora.  
  
"Oh, well I've lost a few pounds," explained John with a pat to his stomach, "Jenny Craige and a Slim-fast diet." John chuckled, then belched loudly, shaking the entire room.  
  
"Hmph," snorted Ansem, "That's quite chaotic."  
  
"A new day of soggyness lies ahead of me!" exclaimed Snape with a wide frown as he hurried toward Sora and Ansem.  
  
"That's great," congratulated Sora and shook Snape's hand, "It's wonderful doing business with you."  
  
"This world's goin' to tha' dogs," said Riku.  
  
"I gooot the bluuuues," Ansem sang as he played a piano dramatically. The spotlight poured on him as everyone in the world watched his performance in awe and wonder.  
  
"Hi," Tenchi smiled and began running in circles around the room while pouring a gallon of peanut butter all over his body.  
  
"Get off my planet, you potatoe-munchers!" yelled Harry Potter. With a wave of his wand, he turned into a venus fly trap and spontaneously combusted.  
  
"YAAAAY!!!" Hagrid farted as he sneezed a thousand frogs.  
  
"Kermit THE frog here," Kermit said. This caught everyone's attention. "I will be auctioning off Riku and Cloud at the concession stand, so follow me please."  
  
Everyone followed Kermit to a small green booth with green balloons. Behind it were two large animal cages-one containing a sedated Riku and the other containing a down-to-earth Cloud wearing small sunglasses and reading a book titled 'Dealing With Anger'.  
  
Then the world exploded.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Okie-dokie, that's all for this chappy. It wasn't very funny but I hope you enjoyed it, and I'll be adding the next chappy shortly.  
  
Atonohou! -^_____^- 


	5. Sp33k l33t?

Alrighty, well, ummm...thankies for the reviews. And especially thankies to Orpheum for giving me the Felix idea. Okies, enjoy this chappy! ^^'  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Hey Soraaaa," Ansem smirked at the chocolate-haired boy.  
  
Sora balanced on his hands, upside-down, and quickly made his way to Ansem.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You want a Market Fresh Roast Beef Sandwhich?"  
  
"I love you, Ansem," Sora said and gave the white-haired man his trademark grin.  
  
Silence fell upon the room for the following billion years.  
  
~*After the Apocalypse*~  
  
Sora stood behind a counter shaped like a small boat. Next to him stood Ansem.  
  
"Welcome to the Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby patty-or shall I say, CRAPPY patty?" welcomed Sora to the readers, "May I take your order?"  
  
"Yes, ummm........." Felix, from Golden Sun, spoke, "I'll have the Super Duper Ultra Double Deluxe Mega Whopper Combo Piglet Meal with a large Dr.Pepper and Mini Ren and Stimpie butts."  
  
"Sooo," configured Sora, "That'll be one Super Duper Ultra Deluxe~"  
  
His voice was suddenly cut off by an abrupt screaming coming from one of the corners of the room. From the depths of the Underworld, emerged the authoress, running like a maniac towards Felix.  
  
"I love you, Felix!!!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, damaging everyone's eardrums.  
  
"..." Felix was shocked as he was glomped by the authoress. Then she spontaneously combusted.  
  
Without warning, Sora suddenly began eating a slice of anchovie-covered pizza like a demolished monster, and looked at Felix.  
  
"Heeey, wait a minute," Sora said slowly, "You have brown hair like me. ^o^"  
  
"Coolies!" Felix exclaimed with a bright smile filling his face. With ecstatic joy, he banged his head against Sora's.  
  
"We are now bretheren by honor," Sora said as he punched Felix's shoulder.  
  
For some reason, Sora was suddenly dressed as a bride, Felix as a groom, and Leon as a preacher.  
  
"You may now kiss the bride," informed Leon solemnly.  
  
"Yay!" exclaimed Felix. Then he caught on fire and exploded.  
  
"Brother!" Sora cried in dismay.  
  
"Brother," Neo said slowly, "I misconcepted a glitch in a the Matrix."  
  
"What?" asked the Oracle.  
  
"I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back//Chiliiii's baby back ribs," Neo sang. Then he started doing the robot. (AN: I got this idea from the MTV movie awards).  
  
"Hmmm...let me try that," grinned Riku, chewing on Sora's hair.  
  
"Hey Captain Hook!" called Sora, bouncing toward him, "Wanna' play some Dance Dance Revolution?"  
  
"What's that?" Hook asked as he watched Sora take out two weird platform- looking things.  
  
"You'll see."  
  
Sora stepped on one of them, and Hook did the same.Without warning, a screen in front of them appeared and soggy music began playing. Sora kicked Hook's ass since all Hook was doing was 'the monkey' the entire time.  
  
"Oodles of noodles," slurped Largo as he visciously threw a PS2 at Piro.  
  
Morpheus ran into the room screaming like a balloon, then jumped through the ceiling.  
  
"Assume responsibility for yourself," Auron called after him.  
  
"Sp33k l33t?" questioned Largo.  
  
"Anyone wanna' buy some opium?" said Ansem rather slowly as he took a long whiff of pot, "Haaaaa...haaaaa...haaaaa. Hey Sora." He looked over at Sora, his eyes glazed over. "Ever seen a gun?" Ansem handed the blue-eyed boy a revolver (AN: I'm not sure what that is), and the fun began.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Again, it wasn't that long, but I've been lazy. Sorry!^^' But now that I've finished all my other ficcys, I should have updates for this one a lot more frequently. 


	6. It Begins

I'm baaack. Yes! After several months of absence, I've finally decided to update again. -^^- Oh my.........who knows horrors await our heroes (and linguistically–challenged villain) in this chapter. Many,many Moogles, perhaps? Well, hurry up and read to find out! Or leave and have your leg chewed off by a vacant bisexual Chocobo. Enjoy! ^___~  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Sora sat on the castle's porch, gazing with nostalgia at the never-ending gold and fuchsia heavens. His eyes were livid with the painful memories of the past. A single tear fell across his cheek.  
  
"It's gone," he muttered to himself, biting his lip, "It's all gone. Forever........."  
  
"What's gone?" Ansem asked casually.  
  
"That.........that room that our journey started in."  
  
"Ohhh, that?" Ansem smiled, and, nodding his head understandingly, he placed a hand on the boy's shoulder, "The authoress got tired of it, and so the rest of the story will take place in Hollow Bastion."  
  
"I see."  
  
"The room may be gone," snarled a deep, solemn, voice from behind the two, "But I'm not."  
  
Sora and Ansem spun around, and saw who this voice belonged to. It was none other than George Bush himself. But it wasn't as much of George as you might think-this George Bush has the power to unlock people's hearts. Observe!  
  
"If you vote for me as president, then I promise to engage in as many wars as one President can, suppress the powers of the people as much as possible, and~"  
  
Before George could utter another word, Al Gore slapped him upside his head with a piano and they flew to the moon.  
  
"I'm not listening," Sora sang, covering his ears, "I'm not listening, lalalaaa!"  
  
"Oh don't start with me," Riku gasped, running out of breath.  
  
Suddenly, for no reason at all, an overweight girl, with long black hair and dark gothic-like clothes ran toward Sora, and fell off the porch.  
  
As she fell, she yelled, "I-eat-laaard!!"  
  
"Let's go inside," suggested Sora, holding his hands together, and creating a shadow puppet.  
  
~*Sometime During the Meiji Era*~  
  
Kenshin's hair fluttered madly in the wind, the storm around him and Aoshi dancing around them like an infuriated lion.  
  
~*Back to Our Story*~  
  
Sora: From this day forth, I declare that the story shall be written this way from this sentence forth, and that every August 1st shall become "Wear- Underwear-on-Your-Head" day.  
  
Riku: *sits on Sora's head like a pelican* Why, that makes perfectly good sense.  
  
Yoh Asakura: I.........I have a confession. *spotlight moves to Yoh* I have syphilis.........  
  
Buddha: And I have myself to blame for that. *slurps up his computer with a delightful grin*  
  
Amidamaru: *dies*  
  
Oogie Boogie: But they said you were dead. You must be.........*drumroll*.........Double Dead!  
  
Zax and Cloud: 1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a thumb war. 5, 6, 7, 8, who do we appreciate?  
  
*Everyone on planet Earth and Charin surround the two as the thumb war begins*  
  
Cloud: Your defeat is inescapable, Zax.  
  
Zax: Bring it on.  
  
Cloud: It's already been brought.*suddenly Cloud is glomped excessively by the authoress. What the? *loses*  
  
Authoress: Teeheehee. *giggle giggle* You lost. How cute! -^-^-  
  
Cloud: *sets authoress on fire, and stabs her with his Buster Blade- thingie*  
  
Authoress: *temporarily dies* x___X  
  
Ansem: *grows a mustache and beard*  
  
Everyone: oO;;;  
  
Sora: *in a dramatic voice with tears falling* Riku, Cloud, Zax. Let's go.  
  
Riku: Where? *is confused*  
  
Sora: To see him.  
  
Cloud: *raises an eyebrow* To see who?  
  
Sora: The wizard.  
  
Zax: Sounds good to me! -^___^-  
  
Sora, Riku, Cloud, and Zax: Oh, we're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz!  
  
*yellow brick road appears in front them and they skip down it*  
  
S, R, C, and Z: Because, because, because, because, becaaaause/Because of the wonderful things he does. *flute plays*  
  
~*2 weeks later*  
  
Sora: Because he's the Wonderful Wizard of Oz! *flute plays again* Oh, we're of to see the Wizard, the Wonder~  
  
Cloud: *glares* Sora, would you shutup, already!? You've been singing that same song for the past two weeks, and if I hear it one more time, I swear, I'll.........  
  
Sora: *looks down in sorrow* But I only know three sentences of it.  
  
R, C, and Z: EXACTLY!  
  
Sora: OO;;; Sorry. *changes subject* Well, when I get to the Wizard, I'm going to ask for a never-ending supply of sugar coated Gummi Bears. What will you ask for, Riku?  
  
Riku: *smirks* Me? I'm going to ask a warm steamy bowl of Maruchan Ramen Noodle Soup. *licks lips in hunger*  
  
Cloud: (solemnly) I'm going to ask for a glass eye.  
  
Zax: What do need a glass eye for, Cloud? *is curious*  
  
Cloud: My baby poodle. *shuffles hands inside pants and takes out a Purple Poodle*  
  
Zax: Aha! So that's why your pants look like that.  
  
Cloud: No. That's not why.........  
  
Sora: Purple is a GAY color! *snicker snicker* So what about you, Zax?  
  
Zax: *grins* Well, I haven't really decided on that one. I think I'll either ask for~  
  
*suddenly the authoress barges in, shrilling at the top of her lungs*  
  
Sora: But I thought you were dead.........  
  
Oogie Boogie: You must be .........*drumroll*.........Double Dead!  
  
Authoress: This chapter must muster up-NOW!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
.....................................................................................................................See you, Space Cowboy. o_O;  
  
*muffled screams are heard in the background* 


End file.
